Scottish Cities


                             

Edinburgh

                        


                             

Apart from the slightly less presigious 'Princess Street', the Royal Mile is Edinburgh's main thoroughfare. As you can see from this photograph, Edinburgh town elders have recently spent the massive sum of 204 pounds, 16 shillings and fourpence on the radical modernisation of this area.

Visitors should note, that this area is the main shopping area in Edinburgh, the shops stocking a wealth of treasures such as plastic bagpipes, genuine tartan clothing, and freshly caught haggii.

                        

                             
The Grassmarket, overlooked by the historic Edinburgh Castle, is still the venue for public hangings and executions. Although these happen less frequently these days (usually only on Thursday afternoons, as opposed to the twice-weekly of yesteryear) there are usually enough suspect witches, and persons possessed by Beelzebub to keep even the most blood thirsty visitor entertained. Arrive early, as seats are strictly limited.
                        

 

                             

Glasgow

                        

                             

Glasgow, still considered by many to be Edinburgh's poorer cousin, is a city dominated by industry. Throughout the night, visitors may hear the distant hubbub of the woollen mills, employing children as young as four years old, in order to support the worldwide demand for such quality items.

Argyll Street, central Glasgow, is a must-see for visitors to Scotland. Packed with shops, selling quality Scottish merchandise, however beware of locals offering you a GLASGOW KISS (See Language section).

                        

 

                             

Aberdeen

                        

                             
Aberdeen, situated in the far north of Highland Scotland, near Inverness, is a heavily industrialised city. Union Street is the main thoroughfare, much used by overseas businessmen, who apparently suck a black substance up from the bottom of the sea. The Scottish people, being a grateful race, are only too pleased to be rid of this black slime, and so allow the foreign visitors to remove it, (which they do for free) - no doubt to make it into something more useful back home.
                        

 

                             

Dundee

                        

                             
Famous for its "Clootie Dumplin's" and other delicacies, Dundee is a city obsessed with the production of foodstuffs. Sales of Dundee cake exceed all other exports from Scotland, with 'butteries' and 'scotch eggs' following closely behind. These foods also form the staple diet of most Dundonians. It is also worthy of note that Dundee's major import from the rest of the world is ant-acid tablets.
                        

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